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2024
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Click here for an overview by week in 2024
February 19 - 16, 2025
February 15 - 12, 2025 |
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When one hurts or kills a women
one hurts or kills hummanity and is an antrocitie.
Gino d'Artali
and: My mother (1931-1997) always said to me <Mi
figlio, non esistono notizie <vecchie> perche puoi imparare qualcosa da
qualsiasi notizia.> Translated: <My son, there is no such thing as so
called 'old' news because you can learn something from any news.>
Gianna d'Artali.
Al Jazeera - Feb 18, 2025 - By Maram Humaid- REPORTER'S NOTEBOOK
<<Returning to Gaza, a stranger in my own city
Northern Gaza, Palestine – We had no home to return to. And the Gaza
City we knew was no more. But we returned.
Why? Maybe it was nostalgia for our former lives – before October 2023.
Maybe the emotions we had left behind before our displacement to the
south had remained, waiting to welcome us back. Either way, the reality
that greeted us was harsh and unfamiliar. I realised how much of a
stranger I had become in my own city, where I had spent nearly 30 years
of my life. I wandered through streets I could no longer recognise, lost
amid the overwhelming destruction. I struggled to find my way from my
family’s ruined home to my in-laws’ house, which, though still standing,
bore the deep scars of war. I walked down one street, into another –
with no familiar landmarks to guide me. No communication networks, no
internet, no electricity, no transportation – not even water. My
excitement for returning had turned into a nightmare – ruin and
devastation was wherever I turned. Numb, I roamed through the shattered
remnants of family homes. My goal was to reach the place where my home
once stood. I already knew that it was no more – I had seen pictures.
But standing there, in front of the rubble of the seven-storey building
where I had made so many memories with my family, I was silent.
Homes can be rebuilt
One of my neighbours, also returning from displacement in the south,
arrived. We exchanged broken smiles as we gazed at the wreckage of our
life’s labour. She was luckier than me – she managed to salvage a few
belongings, some old clothes. But I found nothing. My apartment had been
on the first floor, buried beneath layers upon layers of debris. My
colleague, the photographer Abdelhakim Abu Riash, arrived. I told him
that I felt no shock, not even any emotion. It wasn’t that I wasn’t
grieving, but rather that I had entered a state of emotional numbness –
a self-imposed anaesthesia, perhaps a survival mechanism my mind had
adopted to shield me from madness. My husband, on the other hand, was
visibly enraged, though silent.
We decided to leave and, as I turned my back on my destroyed home, a
deep pain gripped my heart. There is no shelter now, no place to call
our own. But what kept us from breaking down was knowing we were not
alone – an entire city stood in ruins. “At least we survived, and we’re
all safe,” I told my husband, trying to comfort him. And then, horrific
memories of the past 15 months – spent wandering through hospitals and
refugee camps – rushed back. I reminded him: “We’re better off than
those who lost their entire families, better off than the little girls
who lost their limbs. Our children are safe, we are safe. Homes can be
rebuilt.” We say this often in Gaza, and it is true. But it does not
erase the weight of losing one’s home.
‘Be careful with the water’
Unable to walk any further, we made our way to my in-laws’ house. We had
been told it was still standing but as we approached through scenes of
devastation, we couldn’t recognise the building. This was where we would
now live, in what remained: two rooms, a bathroom and a kitchen. But
once again, there was no space for shock here. Survival demanded
adaptation, no matter how little we had. That was the rule of war.
Inside, we found a semblance of relief. My husband’s brother had arrived
ahead of us, cleaned a little and secured some water. His only warning:
“Be careful with the water. There’s none left in the entire area.” That
single sentence was enough to drain the last ounce of hope from me. I
felt a crushing mix of despair, nausea and exhaustion. I could think of
nothing but water – just water. The house’s sewage system was destroyed.
Walls were torn open by shelling. The ground and first floors were
completely flattened. Life here is barren and utterly bleak. And what
made it worse was the renewed shock of looking out the balcony at
devastation as far as the eye could see – too vast, too overwhelming to
allow escape from the trauma. My friend who had stayed in the north had
told me often: “The north is completely destroyed. It’s unliveable.” Now
I believed her.
My mother’s dresses
The next morning, I went to my parent’s home in Sheikh Radwan, braced
for what I would find because I knew, our neighbours had already sent us
photos – the house was still there, but gutted by fire. The Israeli army
had stayed in it for some time before setting it on fire as they
withdrew, we were told. We even found a video on TikTok, a soldier who
had filmed himself eating a McDonald’s sandwich in my newlywed brother’s
living room while watching the neighbouring houses burn. I wandered
through the house, overwhelmed by a flood of memories that had been
reduced to ash and rubble. Only one room had survived the fire: my
parents’ bedroom. The fire hadn’t touched it. I stepped into my mother’s
room. I lost my mum on May 7, during the war. Her clothes still hung in
the closet, embroidered dresses untouched by flames. Her belongings, her
Quran, her prayer chair – everything remained, only coated in heavy dust
and shattered glass. Everything paled in comparison to the moment I
stood before my late mother’s wardrobe, tears welling as I gently
retrieved her dresses, brushing off the dust. “This is the dress she
wore for my brother Mohammed’s wedding,” I whispered to myself. “And
this one… for Moataz’s wedding.” I grabbed my phone and called my
sister, still in the south, my voice trembling between sobs and joy: “I
found Mama’s embroidered dresses. I found her clothes! They didn’t
burn!” She gasped with happiness, immediately announcing that she would
run to the north the next morning to see our mother’s belongings. This
is what life has become here – rubble everywhere, and yet we rejoice
over any fragment, any thread that connects us to the past. Imagine,
then, what it means to find the only tangible traces of our most
precious loss – my beloved mother.
Not the Gaza I knew
Two days later, after sifting through wreckage and memories, I forced
myself to step outside of my grief. I decided to visit the Baptist
Hospital in the morning, hoping to meet fellow journalists, regain some
sense of self and attempt to work on new stories. I walked for a long
time, unable to find transportation. My clothes were soon covered in
dust – all that remained after buildings had been pulverised by Israel’s
bombs. Every passer-by was the same, coated in layers of grey from head
to toe, eyelashes weighed down by debris. Around me, people were
clearing the wreckage of their homes. Stones rained down from collapsed
upper floors as men and women shovelled rubble, dust billowing through
the air, swallowing entire streets. A woman stopped me and asked where
she could recharge her phone credit. I hesitated, then blurted out: “I’m
sorry, Auntie, I’m new here… I don’t know.” I walked away, shocked at my
response. My subconscious had accepted it – this was no longer the Gaza
I knew. I used to know Gaza by heart. Every street – al-Jalaa, Shati
Camp, Sheikh Radwan, Remal, al-Jundi. I knew all the back roads, every
market, every famous bakery, every restaurant, every café. I knew
exactly where to find the best cakes, the most elegant clothes, the
branches of telecom companies, the internet service providers.
But now?
Now, there were no landmarks left. No street signs. No points of
reference. Does this matter anymore? I continued walking down al-Jalaa
Street, struggling to place the past upon the ruins. Sometimes I
succeeded, sometimes I took a picture to study later, to compare it with
what once was.
North and south
Finally, I found a car heading my way. The driver gestured for me to sit
beside a woman in the front seat. In the back, five other women and a
child were squeezed together. Along the way, the driver picked up yet
another passenger, cramming him into the last available space. Every
moment felt like an error – a system overload in my mind. At the
hospital, my memories jolted back to Al-Aqsa Martyrs Hospital in Deir
el-Balah where hospitals became journalists’ only refuge – the only
places with electricity and internet since the war began. This time, the
faces were different, and it was apparent that the journalists from the
north had experienced this war very differently from how we had in the
south. I moved hesitantly through the corridors, whenever we encountered
a journalist, I whispered to Abdelhakim: “Is this person from the north?
Or were they with us in the south?”
It was a genuine question. Conversations, familiarity, the weight of
words – they all felt different, depending on where we had endured the
war.
Yes, there was death and destruction in the south, Israel had not spared
Rafah, Deir el-Balah or Khan Younis. But it was different in Gaza City
and northern Gaza – people here had endured pain to a degree that we
simply had not. Whenever I recognised a colleague from the south, my
face lit up and I stopped, eager to talk, sharing stories of the
impossible journey along al-Rashid Road, asking about their first
glimpse of the city, about the moment they saw their family homes. That
was when I truly understood: We felt like strangers in our own city.
The struggle to belong again
Israel’s war had not only reshaped Gaza’s landscape but also the people
within it. It had formed new identities under fire, dividing us in ways
we never imagined. A bitter, aching truth – we lost Gaza, over and over
again, its people, its spirit, ourselves. For 15 months, we thought the
greatest nightmare was displacement – that exile was the cruellest fate.
People wept for home, dreaming only of return. But now, return seems far
more merciless. In the south, we were called “displaced”. In the north,
we are now “returnees”, the people who stayed blaming us for leaving
when the evacuation orders came. Sometimes, we blame ourselves too. But
what choice did we have? And now, we carry a quiet shame – a small,
unspoken mark that has lived in our hearts since the day we left, and
that we see reflected in the eyes of those who remained. I had imagined
the day we returned north would mark the end of the war but, wandering
the devastated streets, I realised: I’m still waiting for that end, the
moment when we can say: “This chapter of bloodshed is over.” I long to
put the final period, so we might begin again – even if the beginning is
painful. But there is no period. No closure. No end. I drag myself
forward, dust clinging to my clothes that I don’t bother to shake off.
Tears mix with the rubble, and I do not wipe them away. The reality is
that we’ve been abandoned to an open-ended fate, a road with no
direction: We are lost. We have no strength left to rebuild. No energy
to start again.
We have lost this city, my friends.
The Gaza we loved and knew has died – defeated, severed and alone.
But despite everything, it still lives on within us.>>
SOURCE: AL JAZEERA:
https://www.aljazeera.com/features/2025/2/18/returning-gaza-a-stranger-own-city
|
Gino d'Artali |
Women's
Liberation Front 2019/cryfreedom.net 2025